When a relationship ends, parents often carry the heavy emotional load of re-imagining and navigating an uncertain future. Understandably, many worry about the impacts of their separation on their children, including how they will adjust and cope with change.
Research from the Australian Institute of Family Studies has found that children cope better when they feel heard and understood.
Jan Squires leads Centacare’s Family Relationship Centre on the Gold Coast. She explained that parents can use Child-Inclusive Family Dispute Resolution (CI-FDR) as a tool to better understand their child’s experience and bring their voice into the process in a safe and appropriate way.
“It’s a form of mediation that gives children the opportunity to share how they are experiencing their world and family changes, without asking them to choose sides or solve problems,” said Jan.
“Separating parents are often faced with critical decisions that will affect their children – living arrangements, schooling, contact with extended family members and proximity to friends are all things that can impact a child’s wellbeing.
“Hearing the child’s experience – shared carefully and respectfully – can help move conversations forward constructively and with a focus on what will genuinely support your child’s wellbeing. It can help parents make informed and child-focused decisions and plan for a future in which they will thrive”.
What is child-inclusive family dispute resolution?
CI-FDR is offered by Centacare on the Gold Coast and in Brisbane. CI-FDR is not right for every family, but Centacare’s highly-skilled practitioners will help separating parents explore the approach that best meets their needs.
In Child-Inclusive Family Dispute Resolution (CI-FDR), children do not attend mediation sessions with their parents. Instead, parents participate in mediation with the support of a practitioner, while children take part in a separate, age-appropriate session with a child consultant. CI-FDR runs alongside, not instead of, mediation for parents.
How CI-FDR can help
Parents who take part in CI-FDR often report:
Importantly, children often feel reassured knowing their feelings have been heard and considered, without being placed in the middle of adult conflict.
How CI-FDR works
If CI-FDR is safe and appropriate for your family and both you and your co-parent agree, you will be supported through the following steps.
Step 1: Individual meetings with the child consultant
You and your co-parent will each meet separately with the child consultant to share background information and your hopes for the mediation. These meetings help the consultant assess whether including your child is the right approach for your family.
Step 2: Your child’s session
If suitable, your child will meet one-on-one with the child consultant in a neutral, child-friendly space. The consultant will use age-appropriate activities and conversation to help your child share how things are going for them — including what feels okay, what feels hard and what helps them feel safe and supported. Your child has a say in what information is shared with you.
Step 3: Feedback during mediation
The child consultant will share key themes — not details — from your child’s session with both parents and the mediator during the first hour of your mediation session. Your child is not present for this conversation or any part of the mediation session.
It’s important to ask for help
There is no single “right way” to navigate separation. If you are considering Family Dispute Resolution, we can explain the process, answer any questions you may have and if available in your area, whether Child-Inclusive Family Dispute Resolution may be right for your family.
Our team is here to support you to make thoughtful, safe and child-centred decisions.