Having a plan can help improve your safety and that of your children
Whether you’re thinking about leaving, would prefer to stay, or aren’t sure what you want to do, there are things you can do to improve your safety and that of your children:
- Be aware that leaving an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous time for you and your children. It’s important to have a plan that is specific to your situation and can be adapted as things change. Centacare can support you to develop a tailored safety plan.
- Consider whether it’s safe to save emergency contact details on your phone.
- Consider your safest options for emergency accommodation if you need to leave.
- Plan how you will leave in an emergency. If leaving by car, make sure the petrol tank is full and the keys are easily accessible.
- Keep your mobile phone charged and nearby.
- If you have made the decision to leave, update your passwords on all social media sites, email and banking.
- Turn off location settings on all devices and ensure your device is not connected to the perpetrator’s. Remove yourself from shared accounts and be mindful of what you post on social media.
- Consider your safety in all environments, including at home, work, school and in the community.
- Consider developing a trusted support network in your workplace, with family, neighbours or friends. Establish a code word, phrase, or signal you can use to let them know that you’re in danger and to call 000.
What to take when you leave
If you decide to leave, consider taking important items such as:
- Driver’s licence, passport and birth certificate/s
- House and car keys
- Medication
- Court orders and other important documentation
- Mortgage and property deeds
- Cash, debit and credit cards.
Safety during an incident
- Stay calm.
- Get yourself and your children to a predetermined place of safety.
- If you are in immediate danger, call 000.
Safety planning with your children
- Teach your children when, how, and who to contact during an emergency.
- If possible, instruct them to leave the home when situations begin to escalate and establish where they can go. Create a plan ahead of time with trusted people who your children can turn to in a moment of crisis.
- Teach children to ring 000 and rehearse with them what to say in advance.
- Teach them that they shouldn’t try to intervene in moments of violence, even though they may want to protect their parents.
- Identify a room in the house that they can go to when they’re afraid, and something calming they can focus on for comfort.
- Plan for what you will do if your children tell your partner about the plan and remember never to blame them for their responses to your partner’s abusive behaviour.
- Make a short list of people the children can trust and talk to if they are feeling unsafe (neighbours, teachers, relatives, friends).
The Triple Zero Kids’ Challenge website provides opportunities for children to practise ringing 000. Visit kids.triplezero.gov.au
Safety when leaving an abusive relationship
- Plan and practise the quickest/safest way to leave.
- Have a small escape bag ready with keys, money and other important items (see above).
- Consider leaving spare keys and copies of important documents with someone you trust.
- Let a trusted person know that you may need to call them if you have to leave quickly. Consider developing a code word that can be used if the perpetrator is in the home.
- If you plan to leave and are worried about your pets, the RSPCA may be able to help with their Safe Bed for Pets program. Contact your local RSPCA to see if they have a program in your area.
- Talk to your employer about accessing paid Domestic Violence Leave – this is available if you need to take time off work.
Staying safe after leaving
- Link in with your local domestic violence service to discuss the safety of your new accommodation. Be mindful of who is aware of your new address and location.
- If possible, park your car on the street instead of in the driveway so you can’t be blocked in.
- Always be aware of your surroundings and be aware of where the closest Police station is.
- If you see or need to meet with the perpetrator, choose a public place and try not to be alone.
- Try to change your routines and travel routes. This could include catching different trains or buses, leaving home or work at different hours or shopping in different places.
- Consider applying for a Domestic Violence Protection Order. Centacare can help you decide if this is right for you.
- Tell your employer if you have a protection order that prevents the perpetrator from coming near your workplace. Keep a copy of your Order close by.
- Use a notebook or notes app on your phone to document what is occurring. This can be used as evidence later.
- Keep in touch with family or friends for support.
Resources and contacts
If you, or someone you know, is experiencing (or is at risk of experiencing) domestic and family violence, contact your local Centacare service.
In an emergency, call the Ambulance or Police on 000.
If there is no immediate emergency, you can report domestic and family violence to the police by phoning Policelink on 131 444 or make a non-urgent report by submitting an online form.
You can also call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or visit 1800RESPECT for advice and support. This service is open 24 hours and provides confidential advice via phone or webchat.